His Mercies Are New

This is a blog post from March 25, 2016 - a little while after I was able to bring our sweet boy with spina bifida home from the hospital:

SO much has happened since my last blog post. Baby Ezekiel was born via c-section (and I survived it without having a panic attack in the OR!), he had two surgeries in the first two weeks of his life, spent 4 weeks in the NICU, and has been growing, growing, growing! He currently weighs 12.5 lbs and is 22 inches long (and has a FULL head of hair if you haven't noticed!)

God has taught me so much in Ezekiel's short life. Spending a month in the NICU was tough, but it is amazing how God's mercies were new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). He gave me the strength I needed for each day. Many times the past month that I have had Ezekiel home, I will have moments when I begin to relive what all I experienced with Ezekiel that first month. I didn't get to have him in the hospital room with me after birth, I could not hold him until he was 4 weeks old, I had to leave my baby in the hands of physicians and see him come back with 3 different incisions on his tiny body, I had to leave my baby in the hospital after I was discharged, I had to exclusively pump because I was not allowed to breastfeed him until I could hold him.... the list can go on and on. Many things will trigger all the emotions surrounding the events of Ezekiel's life. One of them happened today. Yesterday, my sweet nephew, Caleb, was born and the kids and I went up to the hospital to meet him. While holding that sweet, new baby I almost burst into tears. I was reminded that I never had the chance to hold Ezekiel when he was that little. 

Then I had an epiphany.

I realized that when I begin to relive all these events and emotions, I am reliving them without the grace and mercy God had given me the day it happened. I realized just how much God had strengthened me in the moment and how detrimental my mindset would've been had He not supplied His goodness in my time of need. He is so, so good.

Hebrews 4:16 says "Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."

In our time of need, He is there to give us mercy and grace. Great is our God and worthy of worship!

So now, when anything triggers my mind to look back on the events of Ezekiel's first couple of weeks of life (or any traumatic event for that matter) -- instead of dwelling on the emotions that surface as a result, I fix my eyes on Jesus and thank Him for the mercy and grace He gave me during those times... looking to the future knowing that no matter what hardships come my way, He will always be there with His supply of grace and mercy to meet my needs for that specific time.

And God's people said: AMEN!

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